Arise, Sir whoever the fuck you are (partially from The BBC)

Stephen House, the chief constable of Police Scotland, is recognized for services to law and order.Scotland's top police officer has been knighted in the Queen's Birthday Honours.

Mr House told The JT:"Apparently at some stage in the past, I did something really great which is why I'm being honoured. At the moment I can't think what the fuck it was but, never mind, its all good right?"

"So, how does this  knight thing work? Do I get a horse or what?"

Diced caps aff!

To the headline scribbler at McAuntie for this cracker:

Just needs one tiny little edit:

We have been here before and will be again...(From The Skintman)

ARTS quango Creative Scotland plans to go back to the drawing board to produce a new blueprint for its future, The Scotsman has learned.

New chief executive Janet Archer will be given 12 months to produce a new vision statement for the organisation – after plans to amend the existing one were quietly shelved.

http://thejaggythistle.blogspot.fr/2008/11/200k-for-ahem-arts-consultancy-hailed.html

I blame the schools...

According to the hack writing BBC Scotland's news website headlines, Charlie's bag for life, Camilla, is set to be "unveiled" as Aberdeen Yooni's  new chancellor today.
 A term that rather conjures up the image of a white sheet being pilt doon  to reveal Cammie Old Gel  perched rather precariously on a plinth. 
Anyway, let's all hope there no mix up with the stock shot ordered up from the BBC photo library.

Call him Dave: Relaxed and informed about alternative sexualities...

Rockall? Not at all...

Rockall Nick abandons record attempt

Nick Hancock said he would not be making a second attempt this year

Continue reading the main story

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Scottish adventurer Nick Hancock has said he will not be returning to Rockall this year.

His bid to break the record for living alone on the tiny, remote Atlantic rock ended before it began on Friday when heavy seas stopped him leaving his boat.

But, on a brighter note,The Guinness Book of Records has confirmed that Nick has smashed the previous record for failing to get onto Rockall.

This just in...

With a survey revealing that a majority of young Scots would vote no in the independence referendum, First Minister Alex Salmond gives a typically measured and thoughtful response: