This just in, the noo like, ken...

Mark McGhee has been sacked as manager of Aberdeen with the 53-year-old's side sitting second bottom of the Scottish Premier League table.

But speaking exclusively to The JT, Mr McGhee insisted that he was still manager and it was"business as usual." 
McGhee, whose time at Pittodrie was marked by an extreme disconnect between subjective perception and external reality, said:"there's a big job to be done at the club, and I aim to set about that task just as soon as I get back from holiday." 
It is understood that Mr McGhee is currently  in Egypt, in de Nile.


Club officials are thought to be getting estimates for changing the locks at the Aberdeen's stadium although it is rumoured that costs are thought to be "aafy dear like, ken".

As we scientists know...

there is an argument that if you increase the price of a item that's bad for people, then consumption of said item falls. A message, already taken to heart, by an outfit called www.scottishfood.com if this ad for Irn-Bru is anything to go by.
Fuckin' hell...

Inside: Thanks to Highland Pete for the heid's up...

" No chance of a blow job then?"

With a new report urging organisational change to the party in Scotland, it would be so easy for the Tories to lose so much of value. Take the effortless sexual chemistry between Annabel Goldie and sole Scottish MP David Mundell. Just look at the light, flirtatious ease of their close bond and evident deeply held mutual affection.


OK, OK, I'm lying.


Have a look at the photo below. Is it actually possible for two people to sit so far apart in a contingent physical space? Apparently the answer to that question is "yes".

And with...

controversy continuing to rage over that Hugh Dallas email, concern is growing over the possible leaking of a photo of Hugh enjoying a recent  referee away-day.

Ross Priory explosion- mystery deepens, overtime claims rise...

"Right lads, remember, look busy"

The facts are these. 
At midday last Wednesday, an explosion was heard coming from the Ross Priory Wood, damaging some woodland, outside Gartocharn.
Strathclyde police at the scene have conducted a fingertip search, are pursuing several postitive lines of enquiry and expect the investigation to take some considerable time.


So, what happens next?

• "Fingertip"search to be followed up with middle and proximal phalanx searches.

• Leaves lying around thought to be work of previously unknown terrorist cell "The Autumn Winds".

• After watching the Claims Direct ad on C5 before Tricia, several residents of Gartocharn are now hurriedly  preparing claims for post-facto-post traumatic stress. One resident will tell The JT: " after I saw the news item about the explosion on the telly, I've haven't been able  to sleep until bedtime."

• Police enquiries likely to continue until decent levels of overtime claims have been amassed. I mean, after Xmas, January is such a long pay month isn't it?

Inside: This is true. A building near the wood is owned an operated by Strathclyde Yooni  and used for functions. I suppose members of the Yooni's Chem Soc can account for their movements on or around the time of the explosion?

Hugh/Stan pleased at the award

Politician of the year/ one half of classic comedy duo, Stan/Hugh/Laurel/Henry continued to confuse the fuck out of everyone last night by insisting in morphing between his two visual personaes.
A Holyrood source told The JT: " It's fuckin' weird like. One minute you think he's just another middle-aged man, the next, you're looking for his fat mate."

Its Hugh Henry!

It's Stan Laurel!

Its either, or...

Ye-e-s...

The BBC in reporting the engagement of Prince William and hingmae have been not at all over the top in describing  the extent of unconfined joy the news has occasioned.
As in:                                                                                        










Technically, in the interests of balance the Beeb should follow up with this:


                                                                                                                              

But no, I won't be holding my breath...