Oh dear

Fresh out of the box, reader dear, courtesy of The Scotsman, arrives one of those cherishable comments that the commentator immediately wishes he hadn't made.

In an item about putting a new roof on Waverley Station, railway plod Chief Inspector Martyn Ripley made the point that the newly strengthened roof might stop suicide jumpers from the adjacent bridge crashing through onto the platforms below.

To The Scotsman reporter, (who doubtless muttered "Thank you Jesus" under his breath as he scribbled the comment down), Mr Ripley said: "My fear is that someone is going to be killed. Four people have jumped from (North Bridge) this year, and one narrowly missed some passengers. We do not want anyone else to die as a result of this."

I can't help but think that CI Ripley doesn't spend his free time volunteering with The Samaritans...

Christ on a bike

Although all the evidence is pointing that way, can I just assure readers that I'm not personally responsible for any of Cardinal O' Brien's (ahem) "insights" detailed below.

Having spent a head-scratching few minutes trying to make sense of "The Brain"'s analysis of, and prescription for, society's woes, I can only conclude that he is unconsciously channelling your editor's worst anti-clerical tendencies and vocalising the same by talking bollocks.

I don't know why, but the tone of "The Card"'s comments irresistibly reminds me of a very old but very brilliant bit of satire that featured in The Onion.

Compare and contrast http://news.scotsman.com/scotland/Scotland--staring-into-the.5164744.jpwith:http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33542

Senior church leader effortlessly displays moral leadership

"Just drive round it."

According to yet another report, Scottish roads are the worst in The UK for potholes.

              "Fuck it. We'll just stick a patch in the bastard, fix it proper in the next financial year"

"Ees already got wan".

According to The Herald, IMDB readers have voted "Monty Python and The Holy Grail" best Scottish film of all-time. 

And quite right too.

And Finally. Tell us Allan, in your own way, how many life-time bans have you and Barry received?

So, tell us, Barry and Allan, in your own way: how many weeks are you suspended?

Inside: And now this way to the third and concluding part of "The Twa Fannies":
http://thejaggythistle.blogspot.com/2009/04/and-finally-tell-us-allan-in-your-own.html

Barry Ferguson and Allan McGregor scandal! We ask: how early did the drinking start?

                    "Right Allan, I'll get another  round in then."

Inside: I see Kenny Miller was a day early with the April Fool gag. 

http://sport.stv.tv/home/85719-kenny-miller-on-the-unwarranted-criticism-of-barry-ferguson/

And this way, if you will, to the second part of the Ferguson, Mcgregor trilogy:

http://thejaggythistle.blogspot.com/2009/04/sotell-us-barry-and-allanin-your-own.html